I've tried

Yearn I have, try I must, fail I may, tried I had.
When all comes to light, when push comes to shaft
I can just take a walk away, without a tinge of remorse
or a void of emptiness.
I can say at the end of it I did try
I will pay no heed to callous calls,or the proverbial coronation
of the archetypal loser.
I will not watch in disgust the sweet sucklings ennobled
to the other
I will not be feel the need for self-comforting, or the concoction
which might take my cares away
Or that callous self pity so many availed themselves to
Or that mortal distress that shimmers from the nether vaults
of our existence
I will instead stand tall and proud, and curse away the bitter gripes
the mar my trembling lips
And patronize that arrogant brute who holds in his hand the sweet
price of victory
And toasts the musings of all the bystanders and onlookers whose
has made one’s misery their soaring commercial
For yet again I told myself I’ve tried.
Even if I feel ill or empty, solemn or sorry
Or meet with periodical distress, for a part of myself has been
taken from me
Or infused with deep resentment and anger towards the jurisprudence, fate
has meted upon me

I’ll tell myself I’ve tried
They have all tried
Everyday of their lives
Everyday, the struggle.
Now they are dead and
I’ve tried and I have had enough.